Sometimes, it’s just hard to accept the truth. If you are in denial – learn when it’s time to get off the boat and make a change.
One day this summer my husband and I rented a duplicate kayak for a half-day paddle on a beautiful river. Just after we pushed off from shore, Jon noticed a Tiny green frog, about the size of his baby toe, in the well of the kayak where he was sitting. In the photo below, to give you a sense of scale, the black cables are about 1/2 inch in diameter. The frog hopped all around the well, and then up onto the top of the kayak and send to where I was sitting. It then checked out my well, going all the way down into the very, very deep front of it, and then back out. At that point I lost track of Mr. Frog, because he was nowhere to be seen.
Summer
But listen to this. About an hour into our kayaking, we decided to pull up onto a sandy bank and have a picnic. As we turned from the middle of the river toward the shore, the frog appeared on the “hood” of the kayak, out of nowhere. As we paddled toward shore, he hop-hop-hopped toward the very front tip of the boat. By the time we reached the sandy shore, he was perched at the tip for the last few boat-lengths: picture Kate Winslet in The big and you’ll have the right image. You know the rest: the second we touched land, he hopped right off and disappeared into the shore grasses. Saved!
I was dazzled by the intelligence at work in this phenomenon. This puny guy was somewhere he didn’t want to be: in a plastic tub with two humans. He proceeded to search for every nook and cranny of this vessel — into and out of the two passenger wells and along the surfaces, presumably seeing for a way off and into a safer environment. He sensed when we were heading toward shore to beach the boat, and positioned himself in the optimum position for getting back onto land, should the occasion present itself, which it did, and he was outta there in a nanosecond.
How many of us are that effective at getting out of a bad situation?
Granted, our “bad situations” are generally more complicated and ambiguous than the puny green frog’s. Many of the professionals who work with me as a work-life and occupation coach do so in order to figure out either to stay in or leave their job or career. They have invested a great deal in their position at this point and have a lot to lose by leaving. But there’s just this one puny problem . . . They’re miserable. And, like the frog, they sense they cannot thrive (or even survive) for long with the status quo. In many cases, they are able to make key changes (in themselves, at work, at home) and turn things around, allowing them to stay put And once again enjoy their lives. And some do select to find a way off the vessel.
But there is other group of habitancy for whom the frog’s story can be most instructive. You may be among them. These are habitancy who have a very hard time believing their own experience.
An Hr director reports to a vice president who is dishonest and unethical, and at each new iteration of this, the Hr director is shocked and surprised all over again, and still she can’t quite believe it. An engineer’s supervision keeps paying lip service to her project, yet time and again fails to allocate resources to keep it. Still, she keeps hoping that one of these years things will change. An attending physician keeps waiting for his chief resident to come to be less polisher so that he won’t have to mentor her on habitancy skills, but it’s been a long wait. An attorney with a young family is usually promised this will be the last weekend he’ll be required to work . . . Until the next one.
Sometimes, it’s just hard to accept the truth. It’s hard, in part, because once you fully Get that this Is the reality, you’ll probably have to do something about it. Once the frog had explored every inch of the kayak, he complete (in some appropriately froggy way) that this was not a good environment for him and positioned himself for a swift exit once a more suitable environment became available. Until you’re willing to deal with the truth, you cannot adequately take action on your own profit — either you’re re-negotiating or re-locating. If you are in denial, take inspiration from the humble frog who knew what was good for him and what was not. There is often more than one way to solve a problem, so don’t assume the worst. Allow yourself to move into the big relief of dealing with what is.
Knowing When It’s Time to Leave
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